(Lazy) Friday Five

Five…. best items of bling currently in Lost Property:

Bling in lost property


Just LOOK at those earrings, how did anyone manage to lose those? Also, if you wore all of those rings at once, I think that would count as a knuckleduster.

(Please note: this is by no means the only jewellery in lost property at the moment, but everything else is a tad more understated and I have my eye on some of it once the 30 days we hold it for is up…)


Friday Five

I’ve had this week off, which is why there’s been no post so far, but I couldn’t let Friday go past without something. So, since I’m off to the Zoooooooo today, allow me to present the Five… Animals that students sometimes remind me of:

5. Seagulls
(have you ever seen those films of cliffs absolutely covered in Seagulls, all screaming loudly at each other? That’s what the ground floor of our library reminds me of sometimes.)

4. The Sloth
(students who are take the lift up to the first floor rather than using the stairs, students who complain about the effort involved in getting their ID card out of their bag, students who claim that they couldn’t return their books on time because they live soooooo far away (next town over, with two direct buses) The only real difference is that sloths are cuter)

3. Goldfish
(slightly tenuous, but goldfish have only a 3 second memory* and the sheer amount of USB sticks left in PCs suggests that our students have similar.)

2. Peacocks
(when I was a student we lived in jeans and hoodies. We might make an extra special effort on a Friday night and wear a sparkly top, but we rarely ever changed out of our jeans. Nowadays the campus is full of undergraduates wearing knock off Galaxy dresses and VB style heels, all day, every day. In fact, one of the responses to last years Library Survey was that the staff “look scruffy” which in contrast to our students is fair criticism!)

1. Deer
Students gearing up for a fight always remind me of the deer in Richmond Park during rutting season; first there’s lots of macho posturing and shouting with both parties secretly hoping that the other will just slink off without any actual fighting taking place and if that doesn’t happen, the ensuing fight is just a bit of a let down.** we once had a fight break out in the silent area during exam season; my boss radio’d for security who clearly got the wrong end of the stick and called the police who turned up in three squad cars. The guys, who had barely got beyond the posturing stage, looked so, so embarrassed!)

* I suspect this has been QI’d, but don’t ruin it for me, the whole post will fall apart!
** come on, the antler clashing doesn’t really look like they’re fighting that hard!

Friday Five

Five… things that students do to Library equipment which we wish they wouldn’t:

5. Steal it

(Goes without saying really! Scissors, staplers, holepunchers… everything eventually wanders off. One of our sites has started numbering their staplers, which are tied to the Helpdesk. I think they’re currently on number 36. It’s not just the small items though; the same site had a thermal binding machine stolen last year; that’s quite a hefty bit of equipment so we have no idea how they got it passed the Helpdesk!)

4. Try to fix it themselves

(I find it quite entertaining when I come across a student trying to fix a jam in the printers; for one there’s the look of abject confusion on their faces as they realise this is nothing like their desktop printer at home, then I can make them jump about 3 feet by barking “what are you doing in that machine?!” and pointing out that most of the doors are padlocked and how were they going to get around that? Then there’s the look of begrudging respect when you pull out all of the innards of the machine revealing about 11 bits of paper in various places then put it all back together again in under 2 minutes. Top tip; always make sure you really emphasise how hot the fuser unit is, just to encourage them not to do it again. Hissing, shaking your fingers, gasping; let your inner thespian out!)

3. Put their Library card in it

(Our students are awful for this; sticking their Library card in anything that looks like it might take it, regardless of whether it’s supposed to or not. The photocopy card rechargers I can understand, but the note feeder on the print credit machines, really? We have a very useful little plastic stick called The Podger that gets deployed on these occasions; good old Podger)

2. Use it for purposes other than intended

(I wish I’d taken a photo of our laminating machine before we sent it off for repair. You know how laminators are supposed to take single sheets of paper in laminator pouches? Well someone had tried to put their entire dissertation through it. They’d already put it in a thermal binder, so had obviously got confused about which machine to use, but come on! It has a slot wide enough for a single sheet of paper, how did you manage to cram your dissertation in there?! Didn’t you think it seemed a bit strange?! Then there’s the Library at our arts campus which constantly has out-of-order photocopiers because the Tracey Emin wannabees keep trying to copy onto fabric, or put twigs and leaves on the glass to create silhouettes.)

1. Use it as a battering ram

(One time during exam season, when night opening is at its busiest, I came in to Supervise at 8am and was checking around the building only to find a massive dent in the wall at about the level of my head. The only thing we could surmise is that a student had either thrown a chair at the wall, or used one as a battering ram. Because that’s why we provide chairs, obviously. As weaponry.)

Please share your stories of the strange things student’s have managed to do to your equipment, if only to prove that students are the same the world over!

Friday Five

Five*… most irritating responses when you politely remind students that they’re in a silent area (and the replies I wish I could give):

5. “You didn’t say anything to them!” (while pointing to students at the other side of the room which I haven’t got to yet)

(Because I haven’t been over there yet, sweetheart, but rest assured I will say the same thing to them as I did to you. I will then come back and tell you off again if you even think about continuing your conversation, and then I’ll stand over you for the next 10 minutes, just to thoroughly cramp your style. Deal with it.)

4. “Yeah, just a second.”

(Don’t you ‘just a second’ me young man! Stop talking to your irritating little friend about the best way to ‘share references’ which we both know really means ‘cheat’ and do some work of your own! In silence!)

3. “We were just leaving.”

(But your intention to leave does not negate the fact that this is a silent area, nor does it mean that your incessant whispering can’t be heard at the other end of the room. Your discussion about whether or not to go shopping can wait until you’ve left the room and the door closes behind you!)

2. “I wasn’t talking…”

(Oh, so I’m just imagining it am I? I didn’t actually hear you talking from 10 feet away, and I also imagined seeing you sitting together at a PC when this is supposed to be an individual study area? Well I should go to a psychiatrist then, but in the meantime, how about you humour me by moving to the Quiet Study floor? Because you wouldn’t want to push me over the edge, would you, not when I’m obviously barking…)

1. “But you’re talking Miss!”

(*explodes in fit of rage and bludgeons students to death with Silent Study Zone signs*)

Got any more irritating ones to share? Leave them in the comments!

This is just an idea I had to make sure that I always post something every Friday that will hopefully be amusing and will allow me to get stuff off my chest. I’ve got a long list to get through, hopefully it will be fun!