After spending half an hour of my day sorting out the box* full of USB sticks in lost property, I was inspired to write…
The USB Commandments
Thou shalt always place a file with your name, email address or ID number on thine USB stick
Thou shalt always leave a CV upon thine USB stick as apart from giving us a contact name, it also gives us great opportunity for merriment**
If thou insist on using the free usb stick that thy Faculty hands out upon enrolment, thou shalt ensure that thou personalises it in some way, so that the Blessed Library staff do not have to check 20 identical sticks to find out which one is yours
In fact, all USB stick owners shalt attach a ruddy great novelty keyring to thy stick upon pain of dismemberment
Thou shall not attempt to get a free USB stick by pointing to a random stick in the Lost Property box and claiming it is thine.
If thou are stupid enough to leave your USB stick in a PC, thou shalt not cast glares and accusations upon the blessed Library staff if thine stick is not handed in. It is not the Blessed Library staff’s fault that thou art a moron.
Thou shall not cry upon the Blessed Library staff’s shoulder and proclaim that the USB stick holds the only copy of your dissertation. Thine foolishness is thine own fault and thou art getting our shoulder wet.
If thou art daft enough to leave your USB stick in a PC, thou shalt not insist upon finding a distribution list for all students so that thou canst email the entire student body and demand your usb stick back. Well, thou canst go ahead if thou insists, but thou shall probably not like being accused by IT of being a spambot.
If thou call to report that you have left thine USB stick in a PC, thou must be able to say exactly which PC thou hast left it in. If thou sayest “it was somewhere on the 1st floor” the Blessed Library staff will hang up on thee.
If the Blessed Library staff email thou to say thine USB stick has been found, thou shalt collect it in a timely manner, and not saunter in after 4 months then get shirty when said USB stick has been thrown away.
*Actually it’s two boxes now. And I chucked out 10 from early October. *weeps*
**”in my spare time I enjoy reading Business and Management textbooks.” Of course you do, sunshine…